Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her

There are a million things that can be wrong with your human, female face. Lips too thin, eyes too small, cheekbones non-existent and nose...well, there are too many things that can go wrong there to even begin to list. We are allowed to alter our faces, but only in certain ways. For example, using a tiny brush to shellack glittery gloss over our lips to create the illusion of fullness is okay. But get the permanent implants or fillers and you're subject to mockery.

Taylor, from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, immediately following the voluntary injections of poison into her face.

You can't win. And by the time that you realize how perfectly fine, possibly even beautiful your face is and you dare admit it to the world, well then you are self-centered. You're a bitch. You're to be loathed for being too full of yourself.

We blame it on the media, but we, women, do it to ourselves and each other. We do it to our own bodies. We do it to our friends when we pretend to be happy for their weight-loss, then let our jealousy slowly creep through our minds and silently judge. We do it to our icons, keeping obsessive records in our minds about the state of Britney's weave.

I have nothing profound to say at all. This blog is going nowhere. How many times have we heard about women and body image? But I'm sitting here with a broken foot, and hating myself for all of my own body-snarking, every time I looked in the mirror and judged my nose. Because you know what? It works perfectly fine, wonderfully even. My eyes see well, and I have damn great lashes that protect them. I've never broken a bone before, and this sitting around like a useless lump is getting to me. I'll be fine in a few months, and I will never, ever again remark on the size of my feet. They are 11's. And they (well, the one that isn't black and blue) are kind of nice looking. Elegant, even. The skin is smooth and my toes are especially adept at gripping things and, best of all, my feet have been taking me places for 27 years. And I'm so DAMN lucky for having only a fractured foot. Most of us are lucky. And beautiful. And this life is too damn short to think otherwise.